Artist: Sreetama Ray

“”Speaking my Mind” is a drawing from personal experiences of people reacting poorly to my directness.

All works are watercolor and pen on paper, drawn freehand. My works are drawn from simple, everyday occurrences and feelings that are identifiable across cultures. The biggest challenge I face in my work is being completely honest about my thoughts and feelings and putting that honest introspection on display, sans any romantic distortions. This is especially more challenging when people who know me are watching, because it threatens to break down the facades we so carefully build as our public personas. And with this deconstruction, comes acceptance of who I really am.”

This week was extra super special for great tweets. It even includes our good friend Jeanny mentioning how we went to see a play off-Broadway in NYC! It also includes butts, which are always nice like sugar and spice.

Want to be one of our favorite tweets? ITS SUPER EASY. Just make sure to follow us or mention us on Twitter: @BitchtopiaMag (Don’t worry, we ALWAYS follow back)

If you were sitting around anywhere on the internet Sunday night, you were bound to hear about Miley Cyrus’ performance at the MTV VMAs with Robin Thicke in a medley of her song, “We Can’t Stop,” and Thicke’s hot summer hit, “Blurred Lines.” The big question, it seemed to be, was, “When did Miley Cyrus become such a slut?” Well, I hate to break it to you, but Miley Cyrus is a grown woman who can decide when and where she expresses her sexuality in any way she pleases. And as a performer, she is allowed to explore other varieties and forms of herself beyond her “Hannah Montana” days in order to evolve into a pop icon. But this isn’t to say Cyrus’ performance did not have problematic elements consisting of poorly made decisions. In fact, a lot of the performance with Robin Thicke made me cringe for a variety of reasons, although none had to do with her freely expressing her sexuality.

Actually, all that secondhand embarrassment I felt as I covered my eyes was a derivative of Miley’s learned racism, her sexualization of childhood and childlike elements, and how, yet again, damaging gender roles were reaffirmed within the frame of sexual expression and exploitation. And thus, I present to you the top five reasons you should (and can) legitimately hate Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance (without slut-shaming).

1. The Hyper-Sexualization of Young Girls.  Two words: teddy bears. It’s not accidental that teddy bears are suddenly a thing in Miley’s video and performance. They’re representative of that line – the girl becoming a woman line. It’s the line that symbolizes a girl coming into her sexuality and engaging in the act of sex itself; the deflowering of a child in order to enter adulthood, if you will. And those teddy bears are depicting childhood – innocence, virginity, and play – and a pretty common staple of comfort and safety but also the break that comes with entering adulthood. As a result, Cyrus subvert the childlike quality of the familiar teddy bear and sexualizes a toy associated with much nostalgia because she is embracing her newly recognized sexual prowess. She is, as many before her, playing off of that “Lolita” fascination. Even her outfit pushes this notion; the teddy bear’s ears are the cups holding up her breasts. However, in trying to capture and grip onto her new found sexuality, Cyrus is sexualizing childhood innocence as she grinds and gyrates on the teddy bears. All that dry-humping of the teddy bears can be a side effect of the Molly she apparently pops or it signifies the undeniable sexualization of childhood and subversion of childlike innocence which plagues young girls today in pop culture today.

2. The Reinforced Gender Roles of Sexual Expression. People are bringing it to the internet about how inappropriate it is that Miley, a 20-year-old, was nearly naked and grinding on the 36 year old married man, Robin Thicke, but why is no one questioning the man? Not only is Thicke sixteen years older than her, but he’s married – married. But this society condones older men who can bag the barely legal “hot chick,” and double congratulate men who can juggle more than one woman. Men are rewarded for being promiscuous, but women are reprimanded. So as it goes, Miley is the typical conquest in her performance – another notch on Thicke’s belt. And although Cyrus does stick a foam finger between her legs as a phallic representation, she still plays the role of the submissive female when she bends over for Thicke. Even by acting like a man – the phallic foam finger between her legs – she cannot come full circle into her sexuality and dominance over it until she finds the other half of it: the man. Not only is this dangerously heteronormative that a woman needs a man to accurately portray and explore her sexuality, but it reasserts the idea that sex is merely an activity found within the male gaze. Miley’s nude latex outfit is blatantly a play on the naked women in Thicke’s music video for, “Blurred Lines,” and, just like those women, Miley is merely an accessory to his masculinity and sexual drive. And yet, because Robin Thicke is married and Miley is doing the grinding, Miley is the modern day vamp out to destroy and corrupt innocent and unsuspecting married men. Please.

3. Miley Cyrus Fetishizes Oppressed Cultures for Personal Gain. I hate to break it to all you white girls out there uploading your Youtube videos, but you did not invent “twerking.” Miley, as many privileged young white women do, turned to other cultures for “creative” and “innovative” ideas with which she could reinvent herself with. Newsflash: it’s actually really inappropriate to use other cultures’ creations, beliefs, and expression as an adorable and fashionable new way to gain a sense of self. You cannot find yourself by exploiting others. And in the case of Miley Cyrus, she took to liking the dance craze of “twerking” – a style of dance which, to be honest, is not really all that new. In fact, before young white women started posting their videos where they attempt the dance, I clearly remember twerking being seen as dirty, slutty, and “ghetto.” It was something white girls just did not do merely because it was “gross” – it was an activity done only by “hip-hop video vixens.” Well, Miley must have found it to be cute because now she “won’t stop,” and in between her music video and MTV’s VMAs, she takes another culture as a cute way to reinvent and change her wholesome image. Or, in other words, Miley Cyrus is cashing in on another culture’s creative invention to help herself create a new image separated from child stardom and bring in more cash. It’s a gimmick at the cost of another culture’s creativity, and yet again, thanks to white girls bringing it to the mainstream (white culture) and making it their own, only they profit from it whereas black women receive no credit.

 4. Miley Uses Black Women as Accessories. There are black women on the stage with teddy bears literally strapped to their back as they dance with Miley. I’m not kidding. Go watch the performance again and note that there are black women with teddy bears strapped to their backs. And, acting as if they’re her friends, it’s easy to see that Miley not only finds this culture “cute” and “fun,” but sickeningly “endearing” in a way a child sees a puppy in a window. These women are her props; they’re not people to her, they’re just another part of the stage and another commodity to solidfy the fact that she is totally in with the “twerking crowd.” It all just seems like a sad attempt on Miley’s part to say, “These are my friends! I fit in with these guys! See, I can be hip-hop too!” Except, Miley, people are not accessories, and their cultures are not a fun game for you to pick up and play when you’re bored with yourself.

5. Miley Reestablishes the Stereotype of the ‘Sexually Deviant Black Woman.’ I am a little bit more than disappointed that Miley Cyrus actually finds it appropriate to literally motorboat a black woman’s ass as she dances. What does this say? This says two things: (1) A black woman’s ass is the most important and most attractive part to them and (2) A black woman’s ass is the only part of them that matters. This perpetuates the stereotype that black women are sexual deviants of sorts who, unlike white people, cannot control their sexual urges. And, as it is commonly understood as a racist notion, black women’s sexual power is found in their asses; it is the part of them that is completely fetishized and demeaned, leaving black women as people dehumanized and victimized.

I recently came across a blog post on Tumblr wherein the author wrote about how sex-positivity is “not feminist” and how it inherently oppresses and exploits women who express their sexuality.

To that, I respectfully disagree with a hearty “hell no.”

When we, women who wear the feminist merit badge, say things like,
“When women do X they only exploit themselves,” we assume that it matters how anyone else feels about our actions. Our goal as feminists, as human beings, is not to act according to what others deem appropriate but to be the people we truly are, and to pursue happiness in a world that only tells us we are wrong.
Sex provides essentially free (price of prophylactics may vary) entertainment, loads of pleasure, and a generally quick and easy release of happy-making chemicals. Of course, there are some people in the world who do not like sex. There are people who experience absolutely zero sexual impulses, attraction, and will never feel comfortable with the idea of another person’s body against their own. Whether you find yourself on the asexual end of the spectrum, the five-times-a-day-isn’t-nearly-enough end, or somewhere in the land of limbo where you don’t even know about what in the world might sexually excite you, I say:
you are entirely, completely, 100% normal.
If you like boys, or girls, or no one, or your own reflection gives you a raging libido, or you only get the juices flowing after watching certain types of pornography, you are normal. There are countless others in the world with that same turn-on. What revs you up is both unique to each individual and also very likely to be completely ordinary. I mean, I’ve seen a video of one woman vacuuming her clit until she orgasms. Some women climax from being spanked on their ass (and some from being spanked on their labia), and some only from very, very gentle licking for an hour and a half. Then there are those of us who never orgasm at all. Some never want to.
And it is all perfectly, wonderfully, ridiculously normal.

There is a vast spectrum of sexuality out there, and with so many different variations, there are even more questions. While Planned Parenthood is amazing, and your OBGYN is extremely knowledgeable, there are some things you might just feel more comfortable asking one of your friends. Of course, not all of us have that friend that we can ask about vaginal discharge or where to find the best porn, or how to approach a possible threesome. After being a professional Sex Educator for two years, not to mention a Birth Doula, I only have a handful of pals I can call up and freely discuss those kinds of topics with. Friends like that are few and far between, but they do exist. We are out there, hiding in completely non-discrete places, doing completely normal things like buying young adult fiction, drinking a few too many gin and tonics at terrible bars, and spending a significant amount of our paychecks at Trader Joe’s. We are not easy to spot because, like I said, we are ridiculously average.

So, here’s where I come in. I am nothing out of the ordinary, but I have a few years’ experience and professional skills under my belt. I know my way around a dildo. I have a favorite book on the G spot (“Female Ejaculation and The G Spot” by Deborah Sundahl, in case you were wondering). There is a trunk at the end of my bed filled with both amazing and horrifyingly gross and ineffective sex toys, and I’ve been to my share of BDSM parties, plus a few bondage skill share groups. I spent a year of my life learning about and living a polyamorous lifestyle.
What I’m saying is: I’m just like you, I could be sitting next to you in that coffee shop (I might even be the one serving you the coffee), but I also just happen to have acquired some knowledge that is, unfortunately, not as common as we’d all like it to be.

With that, I’d like to introduce my column: Pillow Talk. I will be answering YOUR questions, in the same way I would for my clients or my friends. I am no doctor but I am an open ear, and it is my hope to create a space for open communication between open-minded individuals. Whether you’re looking for smut, relationship/love advice, a vibe recommendation, or anything involving human anatomy, I’m your gal. If I don’t know the answer to your question, I will find it through research or I’ll get some help from one of my amazing friends/colleagues. My resources are becoming your resources with this column. My honesty and support are yours, and my inbox is now open for questions.

Until we meet again,

Callie Vita

To submit your questions, title your email “Q&A” and send it to callievita@gmail.com.
Please write your question as you would write a letter to a friend, and keep in mind only the text of your question and your signature will be shared- NEVER your personal information (real name, email address, etc.). Emails should be signed off with whatever name you would like used, whether that is an alias, your real name, or a nickname (ie: Sexless in Seattle, Anonymous, Alex, etc. Puns highly encouraged.).

I know. Your body looks different. It has changed, and along with your life, your jeans fit a little more snugly than you had anticipated. Maybe more than you like. Maybe you hate it.

You were a size X for such a long time, you’d grown accustomed to the shape your skin had taken, and suddenly, you are 10, 20, 50 pounds heavier. Fatter. Sometimes, you might feel discomfort at the thought. Sometimes, it is really fucking hard to deal with. It’s okay to feel that way- I get it. I’ve been there, along with almost every person I know. But just in case you need a little extra push out of that rough spot, (because sometimes “rough” doesn’t cut it, sometimes it just feels impossible) this is for you.

I moved to California at my lowest weight. I reached my highest weight one year later. I was finally in a relationship that I felt comfortable in and I stopped worrying about what NOT to eat. I watched my body change and my partner found new ways of looking at me- as I grew, both figuratively and literally, so did he. I had many revelations that year, though upon reflection, they just feel like common sense I was denied. Some of them include:

Artist: Tara O’Brien (Sparrow and the Fox)

Eating in public does not make you disgusting.
Wearing whatever you want does not make you worthy of negativity.
weighing more than your friends does not make you ugly.
Wearing a larger shirt size than your boyfriend or girlfriend does not make you unworthy of love.
And finally, most importantly,
FAT DOES NOT EQUAL UGLY.*

(*Why was this such a hard concept for me to grasp? Could it be the media telling me I will never be pretty, rich, or thin enough? Could it be my mother’s advice to never wear white/stripes/always suck in my stomach/never slouch since it makes you look “bigger?”
Could it be the fact that I belong to a group (women) that is treated more like a product that needs fixing [exhibit A, B, C, D, E, F, shall I go on?] than actual… You know… People?)

To those who have gained weight, think of the miles, and milestones, you have conquered with each pound. You’ve gotten through so much in that time, you’ve grown, you’ve lived. You are wiser now. Those stretch marks are roadmaps and diary entries, scrapbook memories. Your cellulite is no less beautiful than someone else’s smoother parts. Do you understand? Your dark inner thighs, your ingrown hairs, your bumps, lumps, rolls… They are you. Your body is proof of your life, and you’ve made it this far, so be proud. Most importantly, you are not the sum of your parts- your parts are a sum of you. Without the energy inhabiting that body, it would just be a few dozen pounds of flesh. You make your body everything that it is, and it is no less beautiful, miraculous, and magical than anyone else’s, despite what you have been taught.

The first step is taking ownership, learning to live in your body independently. Do not let others compromise the integrity of your being. Allow yourself room to grow, not only in your mind, but also in your jeans.

Artist: Tara O’Brien (Sparrow and the Fox)

To those who are saying to themselves, “WHAT? This woman is GLORIFYING OBESITY?!” (which I imagine in a confused Hulk voice) I have a reminder for you, as well.
There is no glorifying obesity, as there is no glorifying any body in this society. I am, however, arguing that no body, fat, or rail-thin, or athletic, or super buff, or whatever, is worthy of any hatred, even from the person living inside it. Actually, it’s not an argument, so I suppose that just makes this a statement.

No person deserves to despair over the body they have. We are all exactly perfect human beings, with our varying shapes and sizes and ailments. This article has not a shred to do with the “health risks” you might try to scream at me when I tell women they are not imperfect. I’m not arguing about the health of body fat (though I will!), I’m simply pointing out a fact we all can’t help but ignore, thanks to major marketing campaigns. The fact is, you aren’t terrible for having whatever body type you have. You have the right to love yourself.
Be sure, though, not to confuse this with owing self-love to anyone. That shit is hard, and I’m not about to tell you that you have to feel beautiful to be a feminist, or whatever. You don’t owe me or anyone else, including yourself, that much.
But, if you feel that twinge, that exhaustion from the everyday torture, I want you to know that it’s okay to love yourself. It’s okay to insist on your worthiness. It’s okay to take up space, as much as you need, and then some. The stars, after all, never stop, and forgive me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you made of stardust?

With the Emmy Awards on September 22, I decided to check out the list of nominations for 2013, and I’m disappointed.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were watching an episode of South Park from season nine in which Cartman eats all the breading off a bucket of KFC, leaving no good parts for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.  As revenge, the three completely ignore Cartman, and get most of their friends in on the ruse, too.  Cartman, as a result, thinks he’s dead and that’s why nobody can hear him.

It was one of the funniest episodes of South Park I’ve ever seen.  Episodes like that remind me of why I enjoy the show in the first place.

When I saw that a South Park episode received a nomination for an Emmy this year, I was happy for the show’s creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.  I love most of their content.  I enjoyed Book of Mormon.  I remember when I was finally allowed to watch South Park (my mom wouldn’t let me watch it until high school), and I would watch episode after episode because it was just that good.

However, when I watched the episode that was nominated, I was disgusted.  The episode, “Raising the Bar,” is blatantly fat-shaming and misogynistic.

“Raising the Bar” centers on Honey Boo Boo, eight-year-old Alana Thompson, who competes in beauty pageants and has her own program on TLC.  While not everyone is on board with the show because of Alana’s silly, Southern family, South Park’s shaming of her and her mother, June Shannon, was just rude.

The episode in question shows the South Park gang watching Honey Boo Boo on TV and being disappointed that she is allowed to be on television.  Their reactions mostly stem from the fact that Alana and June are happy with themselves, even though their appearances are not up to par with most people’s narrow standards.

To put it simply, this episode attacks fat people, and more specifically, fat women who are happy with themselves, because that’s such an abomination, right?

Women (white women, in the case of this episode) aren’t expected to be happy with themselves.  Fat people aren’t expected to be happy with themselves either.  We can see these expectations in advertisements for the beauty and diet industries, respectively.  South Park is only perpetuating these expectations in “Raising the Bar.”

That’s shitty.  Nobody should be shamed for being who they are, especially if they are members of marginalized groups.

It’s okay not to like a television show.  I’ve disapproved of tons of TLC programming; I don’t agree with the Duggar family‘s decision to have umpteen children, but I’m not going to shame their decision to do so.

Also, I know that South Park rips on almost every famous person or popular product, because that’s just what they do.  I don’t necessarily approve of all of that, but it is what it is.

My biggest problem with this is that enough people agreed with the message of this episode that it got an Emmy nomination.  It’s a huge slap in the face to everyone who’s been working to stamp out body policing.  Not only do people agree with the fat-shaming of women in this episode, but they’re acclaiming it, and that’s not cool.

Another thing that angers me about this episode is that it perpetuates the white male savior complex.

The assumption in this episode is that the metaphorical “bar” has been dropped so low that fat women like Honey Boo Boo and her mother can become famous, and we just can’t have that.

To “raise the bar,” as the episode’s title would suggest, James Cameron plunges into the depths of the ocean to find the “bar” and bring it higher. Once it’s raised (spoiler!), everyone stops paying attention to Honey Boo Boo.

Really?  James Cameron, old white dude, director and writer of the worst movie ever, is going to save us all from the terrible, empowered women?  I can only hope that this is the ironic part of the episode, and that it’s calling attention to the fact that Hollywood casts a white man as the hero far too often.

As for the Emmys, I’m rooting for Bob’s Burgers to win with “O.T.: The Outside Toilet.”  That might restore some of my faith and show me that body policing is dying, slowly but surely.

The Hits

Julie Chen Reveals That She Had Plastic Surgery to Make Her Eyes Look Less “Asian”

Chen recalled being told that she would never be on the anchor desk because of her Chinese heritage and that she looked “disinterested and bored” on camera.  This may not seem like a ‘hit’, but I think that discussing the problem of racism in American mainstream media is important and it took a lot of courage for a woman as prominent as Julie Chen to make such an admission.

Friday the 13th

The Shits

Robin Thicke Photographed Grabbing a Butt That is Not His Wife’s and Everyone Is Totally Surprised

Sidenote:  No one is surprised.  Also, this photo makes me want to take a shower.

Miss New York Allegedly Body-Policed Miss America, Calling Her “Fat As F*ck”

That’s the fatty in question, Miss America Mallory Hagan.  I’m undecided on how I feel about beauty pageants in general, but that’s besides the point.  No one likes a body-policer.

Featuring two weeks of tweets and some of our very close friends! Want to be one of our favorite tweets? Make sure to follow @BitchtopiaMag on Twitter, or mention us in a tweet!

The past week, I’ve been pretty focused on picking out a Halloween costume, so little has passed through the grapevine news-wise. As per usual, it doesn’t take too much for us to realize that there are some SUPER amazing things going on and some very horrible happenings. Buckle up, because this recap is going to be dangerously dramatic!

The Hits:

American Horror Story: Coven

Fierce fashion and an amazing storyline was wired to our televisions. AHS started off strong this week. I know this not because I watched it, but because my entire newsfeed and their mothers live blogged it. “OMG”, seems like there are some strong, powerful bitches and we cannot wait to watch this season unravel. Plus, we’re always up for a good spook!

A Very Clinton Anniversary! 

Hillary and Bill celebrate 38 years together, as of yesterday. Now, we know it hasn’t always been the best, but something tells me that Hillary is in control, and we’re alright with that! 38 years of power-housing and saxophone playing is hopefully enough for The Clintons to be make it back to their favorite home: The White House.  I’d also like for them to have a reality TV show much like the Osbornes. Can we start a petition for that?

Black & Jewish

The video isn’t new, but I saw it for the first time. You might be thinking: “Um, but this is super problematic…” Bitch, it might be. ON THE OTHER HAND, it brings up a great point about not judgin’ books by their cover. Just this past Saturday, I got a cab to Brooklyn with some friends at 2am, after a great Shabbos dinner and discussion, and our black cab driver said “I’m Jewish, too!” His statement was followed by lots of cheering from us, to welcome a new member to our family. Mazel Tov!

The Shits

#FatShamingWeek

The act of fat shaming can go get hit by a bus because I’m really tired of this shit. Return of Kings is back to being their uninformed selves by announcing that it’s fat shaming week. (Remember, these writers also think fat girls should be put in prison) RoK writer Roosh declares that our society needs this week of discrimination because men can only get laid if they feel powerful and if a woman doesn’t love herself. In Roosh’s opinion, all women should be starving and have low self esteem. He writes, “If a fat woman goes to the bar with attitude, thinking she’s a great catch, but several men check her for that arrogance by calling her a grenade launcher, do you think she’ll feel comfortable the next day for her scheduled cupcake and ice cream binge?” Return of Kings and Roosh: You can go fuck yourself. Maybe you’re not getting laid because you are all assholes. Maybe, just maybe, it’s possible that women feel good about themselves because they’re too smart to be fucking men like you.

Gaga releases track titles for ARTPOP

I remember when GaGa was singing about poker faces, disco sticks and poisoning her boyfriend. This gurl is powered on being political, but her new album is filled with DON’TS! She already released the song Burqa, which mysteriously disappeared after she received ample amounts of criticism she got for her shit-storm of privilege. (And she would note that it seems her song has been conveniently renamed to “Aura”? She still has that little tidbit about the burqa. She isn’t fooling us one bit.) Her “little monsters” decorated a wall with the names of track from her new album, and a song titled “Gypsy” is proudly displayed. This mama monster doesn’t seem to understand appropriation, no matter how much the public protests her role in politics. Listen up, GaGa!! People are telling you the truth! You’re being offensive!!!!

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch

Our editor, Jordan, was shopping around for Bitchtopia’s favorite Holiday and came upon this beaut: A gyno costume for an adult male. We usually have one “shit” that speaks for it self, so we’re gonna let Doc Feltersnatch do all the talking for this one.

I’ve been meeting people off the internet since I had 50,000 friends on Myspace. I know what you’re thinking: There is not one thing in that sentence that I should not be embarrassed about. The internet, as you may already know, has made connecting to people easier than literally stepping out your front door. I’ve met dozens of people from various websites and I think it’s an absolutely wonderful thing.

Using OKCupid or other dating sites can be overwhelming, and I’ll be the first to admit that online dating is a different scene in every city. Unlike sites like Myspace, Tumblr and Facebook, there is no hidden agenda. You’re only on a dating site for dating or “dating”. By creating an account on a dating site, you’re admitting to wanting to meet someone. That kind of honesty is hard, I get it.

If you’ve made an account on one of the magical dating sites, I’m proud of you. You’re strong and deserve as many dates as you can get your hands on. (With consent, of course.) The next step is to do this right. For your convenience, I have made a list of my fav tips for dating success and most important safety precautions while dealing with the wonderful world of meeting a potential partner via the interwebs.

1. Only message / message back people who you are willing to meet.

2. Don’t talk/text/message any longer than 1-2 weeks before meeting. You don’t want to over-hype your feelings for someone, or get to know them TOO too well before you meet. In real life, it is always different. Always.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions before you meet to make sure that you’re safe. Ask them what they’re looking for, what they’re interested in, how many people they’ve met and how well their dates have gone. If they say everyone is crazy: run. Run fast.

4. Look at their answers to questions! OKCupid will give you your match and friendship percent. These are kind of important. If they haven’t answered any questions, and your percentage is 0%, they’re probably just on there for sex. If that’s what you’re looking for, go for it!

5. Stay safe! Try to meet during the day, for one to two hours, with an easy get-a-way strategy. Meet somewhere public and tell a roommate where you’re going. Meeting the right person offline is the perfect balance of taking a chance and being weary of who is behind the computer screen.

Happy Halloween from Bitchtopia!
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P.S. Don’t get sick of me so quick because I made Bitchtopia’s FIRST EVER video-class and it’s coming straight to your computer-classroom tomorrow.

Hits

Cosmopolitan Publishes Something Useful

Usually, Cosmo is teaching is the right way to suck on our man’s testicles or telling us the right mascara to use when we want to look skinnier, but this week, they gave us this. Haleloo! Believe me, I was just as shocked as you were to find out that Cosmo was actually doing something positive against food-shaming! Read it! Learn it! Live it!

Hot Heebs

It’s impossible to resist scrolling through one of the best photo collections on the internet: Hot Men on Israeli Beaches. I’m always content at looking at pictures of “beeetches” in Tel Aviv and dreaming I was there, but this adds a whole new perspective. I just wish there was audio so I could hear their sexy Israeli accents telling me they love me. Guess I’ll just have to set up a skype date with one of them.

Shits

Jezebel Contradicts Themselves (…Again)

In two separate “Shits” from this week, Miley Cyrus announced herself as “one of the biggest feminists in the world” and Lily Allen came out with a new, twerk-filled music video.  Feminist online magazine, Jezebel, reported both incidences (Mileys feminism / Lily’s twerk doc) in very different lights. Writers at Jezebel were furious with Miley’s “We Can’t Stop” video for it’s usage of black women as props, and rightfully so. When Miley goes out and calls herself a feminist activist, let along among the top feminists in the world, these people are quick to combat her. No, Miley. You’re not quite there, yet. Miley is making huge break throughs and commentary about how sexuality should be viewed, but because of her obvious racism, it’s one step forward, a million steps back. Lily Allen’s new video for “Hard Out Here” looks eerily similar to Cyrus’ video, with mocking POC to prove a point, but Jezebel calls it “a feminist pop anthem you can blast at parties.” Uhh… what??

Here at Bitchtopia, we are huge fans of Jezebel, but we can’t let this slide by without calling them out on it. Both Cyrus and Allen are empowering– to white women. I would even go as far as to say that both are trying to be better and more inclusive, but are missing the mark. They’ve got things to work on, and if you’re going to call Cyrus out on those things, you have to call Allen out on them also. Get your shit together, JezieWezies.

Did it for the…. YouTube video?

This video of a father mocking his daughter’s tantrum has gone viral. When I watch it, all I hear are the sounds of a young girl begging for help. His reaction is to shame her… all for the laughs? With new episodes America’s Funniest Home Videos off the air, there wasn’t any inspiration for this dad. I deem this video a shit because ignoring someone’s plea for help or attention is NOT the way to solve a problem. At a young age, this child is learning that she will only be ignored. If you’ve got a tantruming child, mocking them is NOT the way to handle it. We’re putting this stinky dad in a time-out.

This weeks winners feature a whole bunch of new faces. We went far and wide to find this group of far out tweets, including the favorites of our favorites!

Really super jealous of these tweeters and want to be featured on Bitchtopia for having the most best tweet of the week? Go and follow @BitchtopiaMag on Twitter, and you’re automatically signed up to win! Every time you tweet, while following @BitchtopiaMag, counts as a new entry! YOU COULD WIN EVERY WEEK. We believe in you, tweet-a-holics. We support you on your quest to rule the throne of favezies tweetzies.

A great video to share with anyone who makes it clear they are unaware of their privilege by dismissing others’ work towards equality.

Hairstylist and Make-Up Artist, Christian Tufaro, is one of our favorite fiercest bitches. Gurrrrl has been servin’ up gender realness since the day he was born. Now, on the verge of turning 21, he is starting to see the impact his gender performance has on his audience.  ”My friends and family have always encouraged me to present myself in whatever way makes me proud,” he explains, while sitting down in between belting out songs for Rock Band. “Everyone worth caring about understands that I am comfortable with myself within being male, along with being feminine.” 

Christian, who has also been known to go by Cupcake, Chrissylicious and Glossy Bones, is a perfect example of an important rule: The way a person plays out their gender roles does not dictate their gender identity or sexuality. To put it bluntly, don’t assume. “If I wanna do drag, I’m gonna do it. It doesn’t mean I want to be a woman. I’m comfortable with it without feeling like my gender is compromised.” While Christian was in high school, he often came to class with a long, luscious, blonde weave on his scalp and bold, black, winged eyeliner.

Marilyn Monroe inspired his aesthetic immensely, and there were days you could smell the Chanel No. 5 on him. His personal style came to him so naturally that he wore his over-sized butterfly cardigans with confidence and pride. He gave no reason for anyone to question him on his style choices because it was the only thing that seemed right.

Now, two years out of the awkward days of high school, Christian has been experiencing shopping in the men’s section. Excited about his new Forever 21 Men’s combat boots he said, “I don’t think more masculine looks are necessarily different, I think it’s my own style. “”Soft Masculine”" is definitely a derivative of my previous style.” He’s still proudly draped in long cardigans and his eyebrows are always on point but he’s loving his new found confidence in mixing up his wardrobe with some hard-ass, nitty gritty pieces. I think he explained perfectly, ”Some days, I feel feminine because I just want to be pretty. My outfit is going to tell you my feelings for that day, not forever.“

There is no better person than Christian to showcase for our new series of interviews, because Christian just lives it. His life isn’t on display for a grand political gesture. He’s not part of a performance art collective, doting out his gender as a social experiment. He’s just doing what feels right for him, and breaking the gender binary feels right to him. Next time you’re itching to wear your bright red lipstick, but you’re not sure if your 5 o’clock shadow matches, he advises you to “rock it. Gender is a performance. We’re all artists, and our gender is our piece. If you are a man in a dress, or a woman with a jock strap, be stronger for it. Goddess bless the gender fucks!”

*All photos taken exclusively for Bitchtopia by Ingrid T.

The past few days have been really great for tweets. See if you can guess which tweet was my favorite favorite. Want to get on this list of awesome? Make sure you’re following @BitchtopiaMag on Twitter!

Happy 1st of the month! Aw, look at this bitches :* ! We love you, cuties, through your holiday happiness and also your super cynicism. Hope you enjoy being our favorites. <3

Photo provided by Kiki Nicole.

Kiki Nicole (Kiarra) is a first-year at Hollins University in Roanoke, Virginia. Originally from Baltimore, she currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina. Kiki is a poet whose work stems mostly from personal experience. She is a regular contributor of Bitchtopia and The Pulp Zine. Kiki describes writing poetry as a method of self-care: “The poetry I publish to Bitchtopia always has a foundation in the concepts of feminism and social justice; I use my poetry to express commentary I can’t always say aloud.”
Kiki graciously answered some questions about her poetry and her experiences being a feminist for Bitchtopia:

How did you become involved with Feminism/Bitchtopia/Pulp Girls?

My intro to feminism came about when I made a tumblr in ninth grade and was able to have access to resources to concepts and ideas that was never open to me previously, although I think I grew up in a very feminist household, consisting of mainly women and maybe a male cousin or two, who never put any limits on my dreams. I felt very restless and pathetic in Senior Year when I realized I wasn’t really doing anything or going anywhere with my work. I started looking for places to submit my poems other than Rookie Mag (who I never heard back from) and stumbled upon the magnificence that is Bitchtopia and The Pulp Zine. I emailed both asking to be a regular contributor and here I am!

Where do you go to find poetry/who are some of your inspirations?

I spend a lot of time loitering in the buttonpoetry and brave new voices/youthspeaks channels on Youtube and I grew up listening to the Def Poetry Jam episodes my mother played on repeat. Whenever I had an assigned English textbook in school, I would copy down the poems I found that I liked on my own ( I now cultivate a love for the poetry that came out of the English Romanticism movement; I love me some John Keats) and I like to read free eBooks of poems on Scribd in my spare time. Right now, I feel really inspired by Warsan Shire, Nayyirah Waheed and Saul Williams.

Most of your work for Bitchtopia centers on Intersectional Feminism. How would you define a good Intersectional Feminist/Ally?

To me, Intersectionalist Feminists/Womanists should allow safe spaces for anyone, regardless of their identities, to be open about their oppression/injustice where it rightfully exists. Allies, or even those who identify as Intersectional Feminists/Womanists, should never be dismissive and should strive to be open, accepting, and willing to understand. We should recognize that differences exist and that we cannot eliminate them, rather we can actively work to recognize the disparities that exist and work within them.

What are some of your biggest challenges you have come across as a Feminist and a writer?

Kiki Nicole. Illustration by Lee Anna.

The biggest challenge I face daily, it seems, is trying to overcome all of my internalized oppression. It seems to be more apparent whenever I’m writing fiction for my Intro to Creative Writing course and I want there to be a subtle influence of a current social issue or I want there to be an underlying message. I believe writers have a lot of power in their pens and that is a lot to handle. Often, I find myself beginning stories about thin, heterosexual, White women and men and on second thought, I add a token (heterosexual) Person of Color in, as habit. We live in a world where this is a norm and as a writer and a Feminist, I know there is so much more out there and I’m just adding to the invisibility of people like me. That being said, I often find myself being the only one in the class to incorporate race/gender/class issues into my writing, but I feel as if it is entirely too important not to do so.

Are there any other poets or artists that you feel deserve more exposure, and you would like to shout out?

I’d like to shout out some fellow Pulp Babes: artists Paam Sustaita, Saffa Khan, Essine Kilpatrick-Boe, and Molly McAlea and poet Chey Addison. Also, shout out to both Kate Monica and Alysia Harris and their poems!

What are your plans for your poetry in the future?

I really want to never stop writing, which is a pit I fall into quite often. I want to continue challenging myself and what I can write but I also want my poems to become more and more visible and recognized. I want my words to start to make a difference.

Would you like to share the story of a feminist in your life? Email Btopia.Mag@gmail.com for more information.